“It was so dark and sad for so long, and now it’s not. That’s the important part,” says Meghan Bayersdorfer.
Growing up in Minnesota, Meghan McMunn Bayersdorfer appeared to have it all. Her home was the neighborhood gathering spot, and her family was supportive and present. But beneath the surface, she was struggling. By seventh grade, she was experiencing suicidal thoughts that would follow her for decades.
Meghan says, “The best way I can describe it is a DJ in my brain was playing a dark, scary soundtrack.”
Searching for Relief
Meghan struggled with depression throughout her college years at Vanderbilt University, during her marriage, and while starting a family. Her condition proved resistant to conventional treatments. In 2016, she underwent inpatient treatment and later visited seven different residential treatment centers, trying various therapies including antidepressants, intensive dialectical behavior therapy, EMDR, neurofeedback, and hypnosis. She even became a Reiki master and a yoga instructor. Eventually, Meghan discovered that she had a genetic predisposition to depression, which helped explain why traditional treatments had limited effectiveness for her condition.
After years of seeking help with no relief, she hit rock bottom. Meghan turned to alcohol to quiet the voices in her mind. She became separated from her family and was homeless. “It was so dark and sad for so long,” she recalls. “And now it’s not. That’s the important part.”
The Breakthrough: Psilocybin
In October 2023, everything changed when Meghan experienced her first group psilocybin ceremony in Georgia. Though initially terrifying, something fundamental shifted in her mind. The psilocybin didn’t just quiet her negative thoughts; it gave her new, positive ways to think about herself and her life.
The changes were remarkable. Meghan woke up excited about the day for the first time in decades. Her husband noticed she was more stable and present, and her children saw a happier mother.
“For so long, I would wake up not excited to face the day,” Meghan says. “As a mother with young children, it sucked. I started to wonder what was wrong with me.”
As homeowners in Vail, Meghan’s parents Pat and Tony McMunn wanted to invest in the community’s health and became generous supporters of Vail Health. They sponsored the new Learning Lab speaker series in the Vail Health Behavioral Health Innovation Center. As they learned about the center’s studies, they became even more passionate about the mission because of Meghan’s experiences.
A Message of Hope
Meghan says her healing will have a ripple effect. “My kids’ lives are going to look different. Their marriages will look different. They’ll raise their kids differently.”
She shared how psilocybin helped treat her depression during a Vail Health presentation in March. During the event, Dr. Charles Raison, Director of the Vail Health Behavioral Health Innovation Center, spoke about the center’s OPTIMIZE Study, which will examine the impacts of psilocybin on people with major depressive disorder.
Meghan offers hope to others suffering from treatment-resistant depression, saying, “I don’t know what happened in my mind, but I can tell you that my husband sees it, my kids see it, my parents see it, and it’s incredible.”
“There is a real possibility of changing your brain. I feel like I have my joy back.”Meghan Bayersdorfer